On the Way to Boy Scout Camp

A couple of weeks ago H and I were traveling from Washington DC to Chicago then to Kansas City. Our flights, on Southwest Airlines, were to take H to Boy Scout camp. He had been with his Mom and sisters visiting the relatives all over the Northeastern United States.

H called it having "Man Time" since it was just the two of us. There have been a couple of times in the past two months were it was guy time. We both had a lot of fun. As we landed in Chicago the pilot allowed H to look into the cockpit since H had showed interest. The crew were very gracious to the curious traveler.

Once at Midway airport we were able to find a Ben & Jerry's and the Blues Brothers. There was a picture moment for sure. There was also a stop for the "Man food", some chicken nuggets for the conoseur of everything chicken.The picture above is where H stayed at the Frank Childress Scout Ranch in Diamond, Missouri. His Webelos pack spent the week earning badges. We had a couple of more days of man time on and off. H camped and I went home and to work. Visits for a couple evenings allowed us to catch up on the day's activities.

What a Day and a New Warning

Yep, amazing but true. It is time to discuss those warning signs that you see on items and you wonder who in the worlds did that. My all time favorite is do not use electric hair dryer in the shower.

Okay, this sounds insensitive. But, sometimes in life if we have to explain to that level of detail should the individual really be allowed to participate in open society? That’s like putting a label that says breathe in: breathe out to maintain appropriate levels of oxygen. Maybe, just maybe, Darwin and the survival of the fittest is correct. We could save a fortune on warning signs and the gene pool might be improved just a bit when a few of the less fit fall out.

You remember the warning sign that is now up everywhere! Hot Coffee may be hot! Al Gore, inventor of the internet, came up with Caution: Ice may be melting because it is getting warmer! Really, no kidding. Okay so I paraphrased the Kyoto Treaty too much. Back to the point.

In the words of the comedic giant, Bill Engvall, “Here's your sign.”

On a very recent day, a good friend and I were running an errand to embarrass another friend on their birthday. What can be better than that? A mission of humiliation.

Miss T was driving her car and we were heading to the bakery to pick up the cake and then we would swing by and get some lunch then back to the office. So, it is pouring rain outside. We are talking about work and the mission underway then I get a call to join a work related conference.

The whole pace of the mission has to pick up because of the weather, the work call, and the fact friend we want to embarrass is on a tight schedule. Why all of the background? I'm getting there.

The cake looks great by the way.

We decide through hand signals since I am on a call to drive through to eat at the Mecca of food. Chick Fil A. Time to get some sweet tea and a Chicken sandwich. I'm talking the redneck version of Don Par rig non and Es car got with great service.

So, the order is placed. I'm working and she is driving, it is raining, I ask for my order. Miss T orders, I ask quickly for a Sweet Tea. I am only half paying attention, yes shocking, to both conversations, I ask for Sweet Tea, as I mute the conference call. The ordering takes place, we quickly close the window since it is raining, and move to pick up the goodies.

Through hand signals we argue about who is paying for lunch. Which is pretty amazing since there appeared to be real communication without words. I won. Who's the Man?

We get to the window and on board the goodies and the beverages. We end up with a couple of extra drinks. So, it appears! Anyway, we look at the receipt and the number of drinks was up since I had ordered twice. Everything gets slammed in the cup holders and I'm holding a drink in one hand and the active conference call in the other. Miss T is driving with one hand and holder her other drink in her hand. I'm thinking fluid management has gotten out of control. We head back to the office where we begin to unload.

Hey T, your cup holder is flooded with Sweet Ice Tea and rising fast. I grab out my cup, made of Styrofoam and see fluid leaking from the cup. This is a 32 ounce cup so there is lots of fluid. I grab out the second cup when I see tea pouring from the sides. This is tragic! Precious sweet Tea from Chick Fil A is being wasted. This is a national emergency!

I quickly begin to determine the root cause of this travesty. Thinking things about the supplier of the cups, wanting to talk immediately to someone at Chick Fil A, and then refocusing on the loss of the tea, I spring into action. Mind you it is raining softly. There are umbrellas, cakes, cake supplies, lunch bags, and enough fluid cups to bail the Titanic up off the bottom of the ocean being handled. What is a geyser doing on the side of my cup? Okay pull off the lid and begin to drink. That doesn’t solve anything. It appears that the fluid is going out the side faster than I can consume it.

The other cup is not leaking! Yea, the other precious cargo is safe. Focus back on the damaged one. Must save the fluid! Then something strange catches my eye. Just below the geyser on my cup something shiny and very out of place is on the cup. That appears to be a rock, a very shiny one affixed to the side of the cup. What did I win? What a strange way to win it? Are there camera people following me back to work? This must be a joke? Then the pressure in the cup, since I am squeezing it, and mean old Mr. Gravity, dislodges the rock and now a second steam of liquid gold is competing with me for the fluid. Okay, I give up. Dump the liquid in the nearby plants. (Moment of silence for Sweet Tea abuse). That’s not a rock it’s an earring with a post.

Quickly I recover the earrings for Miss T. The laughing is now at a volume that is causing people in the parking lot to look. She realizes that she stored her “lost” earrings in the cup holder of her car that now contains about 8 ounces of sweet tea. So we are now using every napkin to drain the cup holder. Which by the way did a nice job containing all the liquid.

So, the then and there we invented the newest warning sign for the car. Never store your earrings in the cup holder! Quoting Bill Engvall, “Here’s your sign.”

Famous Parades in History..Maybe Not!

As a roving reporter of the useless facts and weird trivia I have a new entry for The Book. The funny part is that this entry comes from the keeper of The Book, Mimi.

It appears there is a Vermont version of the running of the bulls like they do in Spain....well kind of. I can only imagine all of the liberals in the Green State and the neighboring Granite state and the animals rights people starting to make banners and beginning a campaign based upon this news. Say it isn't so!!

Okay, the parade is not as dangerous or as fast paced as the Spanish equivalent. It appears the only danger in the Vermont activity is to step in a hot steamer or a stray cow chip on the highway. The event up in Vermont is called the Strolling of the Heifers! This is not to be confused with ladies night at the local steak house buffet. It appears the event is to promote the Vermont dairy industry.











You can see by the pace of the two and four legged participants that speed is not the most important criteria for participation. We believe the people version of this annual event is called Duggers on Parade!!

As you can see in the picture below that they appear to grow them very large. Mark your calendars for next year for the Strolling of the Heifers in Brattleboro, Vermont.

Travel and Luggage

I have watched the news recently with interest as the airlines have announced large losses and complained that the cause of the loss is due to the large sums of money they spend on jet fuel. I would like to advance another reason for the loss of money. It's called customers and luggage.

On three recent trips, within the month, the airlines have made luggage decisions that were not in the best interest of of the customer. In one case American Airlines decided that the bags should be routed to a city that was not the same as the traveler. The bags left the airport before the traveler was even at the gate. On the second occasion Continential, decided that the bags would come to the airport 3 hours after the passenger arrived. On the third instance, Delta, the bag arrived a day after the passenger. I guess I keep hoping to find one who can get it right.

I know. From the airlines point of view it is only one bag and one passenger. The counter employees of the airlines have all been briefed to say, "We handle millions of bags per day, so yours was the problem." That would be comforting except that there are usually 5 to 7 customers per flight. All are told to call a useless 800 number that can't track the luggage past the major airports. The airlines then indicate the lost luggage must be because of something you, the traveler, did.

This logic is fabulous. We, the airline, will do what we want that is convenient for our business, if the bags don't arrive, well, we have lots of work, and then had you, the customer, not booked on a full flight or even carried on your luggage it wouldn't have been lost or delayed. Classic.

These are the same airlines that are complaining that more people are carrying on to the flights over sized luggage that slows down the loading process. The airline attendants openly mock the people that are bring their luggage, carry-on, to the flights. Now, mind you, the airline employees get to do the same thing.

The cost factor for the airline is the bag delivery service that they employ to deliver after the fact all of the loss, misrouted, or delayed bags. Very amazing. Last week this guy had over 15 bags that he was to deliver in a two hour period. Mind you I live over 90 minutes away from the airport.

These airlines are also feel the need to blame the government for the level of service they have to deliver. Why do they have to deliver the stupid safety briefing? Who hasn't clipped together a seat belt?

The amazing thing is that the airline management teams are collecting millions in bonuses and perks for running the business. Unbelievable.

If the rest of us treated our customers this way we would be run out of business.

So, they love to fly.....it just doesn't show!

"Sweet Home Alabama" the Finnish and Russian Way

A good friend of mine sent me a link that shows that even international people around the world understand the connection to the home state of my wife and kids. The link it was titled, "Even the Commies get it."



The short version of the story, A Finnish rock band, The Leningrad Cowboys, and the Russian Red Army Chior came together in concert to sing of all songs, (Please stand, and place your hand over your heart!) "Sweet Home Alabama"! The longer version of the story can be found on Russia Blog

You have to watch the video.

The Man of Winter

Meet Uncle Noel!

This is the jolly man of the north. On our recent trip to the north Noel, or Noelie as we call him, introduced my southern born children to snowshoes. They had never seen them in anything other than in a book 0r pictures.

Noel and his wife Laura hosted a wonderful holiday event with the northern relatives. My kids had the chance to spend time with Aunts, Cousins, Uncles, Grandparents, Great-Grandparents and multiple generations of the family.

We had a grand time sledding the hills around thier home. With the temperatures we have today that was warm in comparison.

Did you Really Go to Niagra Falls At Night?

Are you kidding me? Since me and Lieber shared the pictures of our trip to, through, Niagara Falls we have continued to get the same question over and over again. Did you really go to the Falls at Night?

Okay, I live near a very small town that many people say the place folds up the sidewalks and goes home at 6:30 p.m. So, this is not the first time I have heard this reaction from people when we tell them where we went or explain that there was an activity that took place in the near by town after dark. But, come on. Are you serious?

It appears the straight answer is that there is a believe that people of Buffalo actually turn off the water each night. Calm the rapids, mop up the water, and wait for the sun to shine. You, know, to save this wonderful natural resource for the next day.

This is great. I have found a way to make millions. The business people, the concession stand owners, the hotels, restaurants, etc. can have a greater patronage if they would advertise that the Falls are open at night. New York is not just for lovers, its actually open after dark!

As we shared our trip I was truly amazed at the number of people who live in the area that have never been to see the Falls. Maybe it is a geeky tourist thing to do. And, it is in a somewhat cooler climate than some care to venture into. But, you should plan a trip just to experience the awesome beauty and power of nature.

Lost in Translation

On the list of top 10 most embarrassing things one of mine happened to me in March 2007. Back in March? Why do you write about it now?

Well there is a corollary to the story that was discovered on my December vacation.

Based upon my lovely wife's girls weekend trip to New York City, in February '07, she had been introduced to a blend of French Vanilla coffee. Her cousin's coffee shop sells the exact same coffee as a fast food restaurant. Upon her return to the midlands we heard about the desirability of this beverage on a number of occasions.

On a road trip to Dallas, Texas, over the St. Patrick's Day weekend, my lovely wife tells me the story about the beverage again. So, as we pull off the highway for gas and rest rooms in rural Oklahoma, I decide I will acquire one of these drinks for me and my wife. Now, the story about where to get this french vanilla coffee substance, is relayed to me, to be sold by none other than McDonald's.

So, I pull up on my car to the order speaker. Following my request to acquire the wonderful beverage I can still hear the laughter coming from the drive-in microphone. There was even the request to repeat your order.
I I drive away I see the 3rd shift McOkies in the window looking out to see what planet I was from..imagine a french vanilla something or other..to request such a coffee drink...from McDonalds. It was humiliating.

So, after months of having time to forget the story and go through the 12 step "I'm A Loser" process...I thought, quoting Pumba, from Lion King, I had put my behind in my past." Oh! Contrair!

In a nice location in Brooklyn Heights, New York, my past comes back. Lieber begins to discuss the Oklahoma incident about the beverage with her cousin. There is laughter. I start the chant about I am not a loser, I see a mental picture of the McOkies, then I hear the following. "Oh, maybe the french vanilla coffee really comes from Burger King! Oops! Being back at step 5 of the process is okay. I snapped back quickly. How in the world do you mix up those two locations. Maybe there was something lost in translation. Anyway, I haven't gone to see if the beverage exists. Just can't do it!

Have You Ever Seen Niagara Falls

During our recent travels we were cruising on the Interstate between Erie, Pennsylvania and Buffalo, New York. We saw direction signs to Niagara Falls. Only 20 miles? Well far be it from me and Lieber to deprive our children of an educational opportunity. Here is a chance for my crew to see a foreign country, Canada, and to see an impressive natural wonder. We consulted the map and bingo.

Seeing the rapids above the falls and then seeing the impressive power of the falls was lots of fun. Notwithstanding the 30 degree temperature and the 8 inches of snow on the ground, the sights, sounds, and facilities in Buffalo were awe inspiring.

The crew were very interested in the natural wonder. There were many questions, a couple of snowballs tossed into the rapids, a few over the falls, and some quick pictures and we were back in the warm car.

If you haven't been to Niagara Falls you should make the trip. It is well worth it.