What a Day and a New Warning

Yep, amazing but true. It is time to discuss those warning signs that you see on items and you wonder who in the worlds did that. My all time favorite is do not use electric hair dryer in the shower.

Okay, this sounds insensitive. But, sometimes in life if we have to explain to that level of detail should the individual really be allowed to participate in open society? That’s like putting a label that says breathe in: breathe out to maintain appropriate levels of oxygen. Maybe, just maybe, Darwin and the survival of the fittest is correct. We could save a fortune on warning signs and the gene pool might be improved just a bit when a few of the less fit fall out.

You remember the warning sign that is now up everywhere! Hot Coffee may be hot! Al Gore, inventor of the internet, came up with Caution: Ice may be melting because it is getting warmer! Really, no kidding. Okay so I paraphrased the Kyoto Treaty too much. Back to the point.

In the words of the comedic giant, Bill Engvall, “Here's your sign.”

On a very recent day, a good friend and I were running an errand to embarrass another friend on their birthday. What can be better than that? A mission of humiliation.

Miss T was driving her car and we were heading to the bakery to pick up the cake and then we would swing by and get some lunch then back to the office. So, it is pouring rain outside. We are talking about work and the mission underway then I get a call to join a work related conference.

The whole pace of the mission has to pick up because of the weather, the work call, and the fact friend we want to embarrass is on a tight schedule. Why all of the background? I'm getting there.

The cake looks great by the way.

We decide through hand signals since I am on a call to drive through to eat at the Mecca of food. Chick Fil A. Time to get some sweet tea and a Chicken sandwich. I'm talking the redneck version of Don Par rig non and Es car got with great service.

So, the order is placed. I'm working and she is driving, it is raining, I ask for my order. Miss T orders, I ask quickly for a Sweet Tea. I am only half paying attention, yes shocking, to both conversations, I ask for Sweet Tea, as I mute the conference call. The ordering takes place, we quickly close the window since it is raining, and move to pick up the goodies.

Through hand signals we argue about who is paying for lunch. Which is pretty amazing since there appeared to be real communication without words. I won. Who's the Man?

We get to the window and on board the goodies and the beverages. We end up with a couple of extra drinks. So, it appears! Anyway, we look at the receipt and the number of drinks was up since I had ordered twice. Everything gets slammed in the cup holders and I'm holding a drink in one hand and the active conference call in the other. Miss T is driving with one hand and holder her other drink in her hand. I'm thinking fluid management has gotten out of control. We head back to the office where we begin to unload.

Hey T, your cup holder is flooded with Sweet Ice Tea and rising fast. I grab out my cup, made of Styrofoam and see fluid leaking from the cup. This is a 32 ounce cup so there is lots of fluid. I grab out the second cup when I see tea pouring from the sides. This is tragic! Precious sweet Tea from Chick Fil A is being wasted. This is a national emergency!

I quickly begin to determine the root cause of this travesty. Thinking things about the supplier of the cups, wanting to talk immediately to someone at Chick Fil A, and then refocusing on the loss of the tea, I spring into action. Mind you it is raining softly. There are umbrellas, cakes, cake supplies, lunch bags, and enough fluid cups to bail the Titanic up off the bottom of the ocean being handled. What is a geyser doing on the side of my cup? Okay pull off the lid and begin to drink. That doesn’t solve anything. It appears that the fluid is going out the side faster than I can consume it.

The other cup is not leaking! Yea, the other precious cargo is safe. Focus back on the damaged one. Must save the fluid! Then something strange catches my eye. Just below the geyser on my cup something shiny and very out of place is on the cup. That appears to be a rock, a very shiny one affixed to the side of the cup. What did I win? What a strange way to win it? Are there camera people following me back to work? This must be a joke? Then the pressure in the cup, since I am squeezing it, and mean old Mr. Gravity, dislodges the rock and now a second steam of liquid gold is competing with me for the fluid. Okay, I give up. Dump the liquid in the nearby plants. (Moment of silence for Sweet Tea abuse). That’s not a rock it’s an earring with a post.

Quickly I recover the earrings for Miss T. The laughing is now at a volume that is causing people in the parking lot to look. She realizes that she stored her “lost” earrings in the cup holder of her car that now contains about 8 ounces of sweet tea. So we are now using every napkin to drain the cup holder. Which by the way did a nice job containing all the liquid.

So, the then and there we invented the newest warning sign for the car. Never store your earrings in the cup holder! Quoting Bill Engvall, “Here’s your sign.”